Life’s Been Heavy But I’ve Been Blessed

I know it’s been a hot minute since I’ve updated or posted anything new.  Life’s been really heavy.  My mental health has been a roller coaster.  Life has been a roller coaster.  I’ve been busy with life, kids, family, and just drama in general.  I’ve been really trying to build better habits for myself. Get myself to a place where i can start to enjoy life a little bit again.  I feel so bad for my poor husband.  He’s dealt with so much chaos in the past several months.  He is truly one of the good ones.  I don’t know how i got so fortunate to deserve him, and i will spend all of eternity wondering how i got so blessed but I’m grateful for him more than words can ever say.  

He is so supportive of my fluctuating mental health.  He supports all the crazy that comes with my side of the family.  He steps up to help deter some of the chaos when I’m overwhelmed and overstimulated.

Life got a little bit crazy for my sisters family as well.  I’m not going to go into detail because it’s not my story to tell, but what i will say is that this summer we took on her family in our house.  So in our 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house, we were housing 5 adults, a 16 year old, a 14 year old, a 7 year old, and a newborn.  We also had 3 dogs (2 of which were large energetic dogs), and a kitten.  So we went from 2 adults, 2 kids, and a small lazy dog to a FULL HOUSE.  Also, 6 of them were female.  We ALL know what it’s like with females.  One was just 3 months post partum so hormones, were extra raging.  Me, Ava, and my niece synced up so we were extra crabby at the same time.  And Ella fed into the moodiness lol.  It was a lot.  We had a lot of emptiness, a lot of frustration, but I’m so grateful we did.  With that many extra people comes a lot more housework, a much higher electric bill, a lot more household necessities, a LOT more groceries.  And a lot of different personalities clashing and a lot of silent power over who should be doing what.  A lot of it fell on me because I’m the adult and it was easier than fighting with everyone.  Everyone thought someone else should be doing it and had their reasons why it shouldn’t be them.  A LOT of extra work fell on me and my husband.  Our financials are destroyed right now.  In the midst of it, my car officially was too bad to pass inspection with the rust, and no longer even fixable (RIP to my equinox - my kids may have been embarrassed by that car but I loved her lol) and then Davey wrecked our other vehicle.  (No injuries to him thankfully but the car was totaled).  Fortunately Davey and his parents are amazing people and we were able to get 2 “inexpensive” cars but let me tell you, we’re struggling!

But I’ve found family that I wasn’t blessed with before.  My sister is my half sister on my dad’s side.  My dad walked out on them when they were really young, and then he did the same to me.  So although we knew OF each other, we didn’t know each other.  We didn’t really get acquainted until my Tara passed.  We became acquainted at Tara’s funeral and started talking occasionally but it was awkward so we kind of drifted apart.  Then in October we lost my brother Danny.  We became closer through that because it was like a repeat of losing Tara.  We really needed each other more than ever.  I will never forgive myself for not making Danny more of a priority when he was here, so I don’t want to make the same mistake with Mandy.  So we got a little bit closer but still not very.  Just a few texts here and there.  

Then their family had an emergency.  And she texted me but I couldn’t really get ahold of her so i got in touch with her son.  And he said “We have to leave.  I don’t know where we’re gonna go.”  I said to come here.  He said “There’s a lot of us.  It’s me, Jaeda, Mom, Kenzie, and Oaklynn (the baby).”  I said “That’s okay, just come.”  Mind you, it’s like 11pm or something crazy, and I haven’t even discussed it with Davey.  I know he’d approve anyways.  Then my nephew says “well we have 2 dogs.”  Bring them.  He says “And I don’t want to leave Kitty.”  Bring her.  So at like 1AM, my house is now being FILLED UP.  Newborns bring a lot of supplies.  Dogs have a crate, big tote with their food, bowls, toys, etc.  Kitty has a litter box.  They walk in, my poor nephew is so overwhelmed.  The baby had an explosion - covered in poo.  The kitty was in a carrier, and was apparently scared.  Poo ALL THROUGH the carrier.  The dog was on a leash currently pooing on the kitchen floor.  He didn’t even know where to start!  So i kind of handed out jobs - “it’s okay, mama take care of baby, ill clean up the dog poo, you take care of kitty.  This is not on you alone.  There’s enough of us here to take care of this!  You’re good!”  He is such a good guy and I’m so proud of who he is becoming.

There were A LOT of moments like that over the 3 months of a full house.  A lot of power struggles, a lot of anger (let’s be clear - not from me-I am able to look over a lot so my biggest frustrations were everything falling on me most of the time because everybody thought someone else should do it), a lot of messes, a lot of things destroyed in a house that we are striving to make the best it can possibly be.  But we got through it.  Summer ended.  My nephew and his girlfriend and the baby and all the animals went to the girlfriend’s mom’s house, my sister went home, my niece went to a friends house.  And we’re back to our normalcy.   But I have to admit, I miss the chaos.  I miss my nephew and his girlfriend.  I miss that baby girl!  I miss watching her grow.  I miss those annoying ass dogs and that adorable little kitty that wouldn’t stay off my damn counters.  I miss my sister.  I miss my beautiful niece and the beautiful connection that her and my oldest built.  

But I’m forever grateful for this chaotic summer.  I have built a relationship with my niece that I could never have imagined!  I was able to show my nephew how incredibly loved he is and that he is actually supported.  I got to get to know a beautiful strong young lady and watch her become the mom she never knew she could be!  I got to finally get to know my sister in a way that I have been dreaming of for years.  And I got to watch that baby girl grow for 3 months.  I also was reminded how much I miss having a baby around.  I thought I was done.  I didn’t know if I could handle another baby.  Maybe I can?  Who knows?  I guess God will let me know if the time comes.

Anyways, all that to say, sometimes hard times will bring you through something and give you the greatest gift you could ever imagine.  It was a lot, but I’ve built relationships that I will never take for granted again.

If you’re going through the thick of it, just remember, it’s not forever, and it might bring you some of your greatest blessings.