I Feel like I’m Drowning

The days are hard anymore.  I do what I’m supposed to do.  I take my meds, every day.  At the same time.  I go to bed at a decent time.  I wake up early.  I try to make better eating choices.  I have tried to decrease my soda and increase my water intake.  I have tried making better habits to maintain my home.  I’ve decluttered tremendously.  I try to make sure dishes and everything daily.  I try to make sure we eat dinner at home most nights.  And make sure the girls are where they need to be.  And have all the tasks done that need to be done.  And fundraisers.  And healthy ish snacks.  And family time.  And i try to be present for my family.  And try to maintain a pleasant attitude.  And I feel like I’m failing. 

It seems that if I move a step forward, I move 3 backwards.  I want to be this person and I don’t know if I physically can.  I try to build better habits, try to be a better person.  I’m trying.  And I’m going to keep trying until I succeed.  I will keep trying to be the best person I can be.  And the best mom that I can be.  The best wife that I can be.  The best person in general.  I just want to feel - and BE - better.